What's on my mind?? ALOT!!

Whoa! What a time we have had in the Walker home lately!! God is at work friends! The enemy is also at work! My faith hasn't been tested like this in a LONG time! I've been through trials before, but this one is totally different. God is already teaching me so much. I'm so tired of depending on people. I don't care who they are, people FAIL! It's that simple. I'm learning to lean on the Father. No matter what. I cannot stand without him. Here are just a few things that the Holy Spirit has brought to my attention so far...
1. I must be quiet. There is a time to talk and a time to be silent. Now is the time to be silent.
2. I must love. This is in complete contradiction to my nature. For some reason, I want to be mad. I want to hold a grudge and watch as people who wronged me get what's coming to them. But in no way is this of God. I must love those who don't love me and I must pray for those who have hurt me. Ouch! This is not easy, but it brings so much peace.
3. I must not let Satan win. This has alot to do with being quiet. I have a hundred different emotions going on right now, but letting those out would bring no glory to God. In fact, it was do just the opposite. So, I'm not letting Satan win the battle over my emotions.
4. I must pray!! The only way I am able to get through any of this is through prayer and through the prayers of friends and family. Whoever thinks prayer doesn't work it sadly mistaken. I have relied on it like the oxygen I breathe.
5. I must submit to my husband. Through the trials, I have to submit to Jimmy's authority over our family. I get mad and want to start kicking and screaming or pack up and move to another country, but I have to trust that my husband is in tuned with the Spirit and is doing what is best for me and the kids and bringing GLORY to the Father!

Trials stink! Heartache stinks! But how reassuring to know that this is not the "big picture"? There is a light at the end of this tunnel. I may not see it yet, but one day I will. And when that day comes I will get on my face and praise the Lord for being faithful! He is always taking care of us, not because I am worth it or deserve it but because he is good! I can do nothing to deserve his rich blessings, he graciously gives it to us! I cannot take credit for any good thing I have or will have. It's not by my works, it's by his mercy.

God will be glorified! When everything else around me is filled with uncertainty I believe with all my heart that this is all working together for HIS good.


---side note----
I don't know how I got through life without him. How was I able to stand? Why can't I make everyone see how meaningless life is without Him as the foundation?? I'm so broken for those who don't see God for who He really is. How can you call yourself a Christian and not have passion for the God who created you and chose you? It just blows my mind! How foolish was I to think that life was about me. It's never been about me and it never will be about me. It's about the Father. It's about giving him all the glory he deserves. If you don't find pleasure in praising Him now, how in the world can you even look forward to Heaven?

I also need to pray that I would not be judgemental of the ignorant because for a long time I was one of them. I went to church, gave my tithe and offering, sang the songs, prayed the prayers, voluntered, and made my presence known in the church, but my love and passion for him had not increased. I was just playing church. So many people are doing the same. They are playing the part, but are not letting it change them. Why?? Because they don't want to change. They don't want to be convicted of their sin. They want God to save them from Hell, but they don't want anything else to do with him after that. Selfish! I'm so afraid to think of all the people who will one day be told "Depart from me, oh worker of iniquities. I never knew you!" I must pray that the Holy Spirit will convict those believers and that they will fall madly in love with God. Also, that I will show them the love of Christ.

I hate my Thermax!!

I need a new vaccum cleaner!!! I am so tired of lugging around my huge Thermax! With three kids, everything someone ends up on the floor. So, I need a vaccum that is easy to get to and use. Anytime I need to vaccum I have to go through like 10,000 steps before I can even plug my stupid Thermax in! It is RIDICULOUS!!! So, I've decided to save up for a Dyson Ball...maybe by the end of the summer I can chunk my old vaccum and say hello to a new one! Wish me luck!

Adoption

Recently, Nolan had his first birthday, so I've started weaning him. I have really enjoyed nursing him and am really sad to see this special time come to an end. For those of you who have nursed, you know emotional this is. Especially when this could be the last child I nurse.

I'm sure those of you who know me are thinking "What? I thought she wanted like 4 or 5 kids!" And you would be correct. I do want more children, but feel the Lord is leading us to adoption sometime in the future. I have always wanted to adopt but lately have really felt this calling on my life. What better way to model the adoption of believers into the family of God than to adopt a child or two into our family. I have always felt like my purpose in life was to be a mother and my greatest goal is to teach my children the truths of the gospel. I long for them to fall madly in love with their Creator and see Him as beautiful and that as they grow, their lives would GLORIFY Him!!

I feel a strong sense to reach out and be a mother to the motherless and to show them the love and mercy that God has shown to me. Christ did not adopt us based on our worth or anything we had done. We were not pleasant to look at, but were sinners and rebels. But in his mercy he called us unto himself and that his grace would be praised. In will not adopt a child for myself but for God's glory. I want to glorify the grace of God - to train our precious children to make much of God.

I am looking forward to seeing what the Walker's look like in 5 years!! This could be very interesting:)